Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize