Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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