Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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