I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
