believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize