My room smells like vodka and shame
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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