Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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