Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
