I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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