im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
