A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
