You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
