god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
