I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
