my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
