its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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