Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
