I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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