I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
