You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
