i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
