The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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