it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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