Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
