Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
