all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
