oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
