i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
