He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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