I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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