I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
