i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
