apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
