i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
