Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
