i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
