he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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