I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
