We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hippo gnu deer
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
