we're chasing vodka with high fives
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
