you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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