so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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