I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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