I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
