You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
