I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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