your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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