we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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