I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wear drunk well.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
