I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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