i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
