I'm lost and stupid without you.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
