you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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