I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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