I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
