I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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