He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
