youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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