WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
