A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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