I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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