she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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