If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
