Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
