After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize