Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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