Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
