Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize