I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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