I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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