So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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