So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
