note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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