You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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